my battle for better health

My Battle for Better Health: All Legs

6/14/2015 House of Geekiness 1 Comments

Last post, I mentioned that I have RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome), which isn't fun, but there are a few other things I want to talk about.

With my symptoms, it's hard to tell where one problem ends and another begins, and somethings I have just assumed are part of my life without questioning. For example, I've always assumed I was just super clumsy and bruise easily. I always joke that I was as accident prone as Bella from Twilight,  or that people will start to think that my husband's been beating on me. (If you know my husband, you'd know that he's actually a really gentle person, the last one you'd ever see hitting anyone.) I never remember where my bruises come from, no matter how crazy they look. I also get really sick in heat and/or humidity.

One of the hardest things is getting sick when I shower. This ends up being a lot like what I mentioned before about how I get sick and eventually black out (seems to be food related). One really weird symptom that I've noticed these have in common are my legs. I get terrible muscle weakness and feel like I need to stretch my legs really bad, almost like they're not getting enough blood pumping to them or something. I asked one of my sisters about it once, and it turns out, she gets sick when she showers too. Only, instead of feeling really weak and panicky like I do, she actually passes out.

I asked the doctor about it and he said it could be a vasovagal syncope but there really wasn't anything to be done about it. Later, I asked the same doctor more about it, but he'd turned to the dark side. That's right, he said that it was all in my head. It might be something my sister has, but that I was just having panic attacks that were triggered because I remembered that my sister has. Then, he wanted to put me on anti-anxiety meds, because apparently there's no other hope for me.

Anyhow, I'm still not clear what causes me to get leg pain, nausea, tunnel vision, muscle weakness, and fatigue when I shower, but it makes things really difficult.

Back to the legs. So, being overweight and clumsy, it's really hard to get around, and I'm actually shocked I've made it this long....but on April 11th, I was rushing to a meeting, got my sandel caught in a huge crack in the pavement, and fell. To catch myself, I landed on my knees (mostly left knee), then hands. I had so much momentum that I fractured a bone on the outside of my knee and bruised the bones in my knees. But I made it to my meeting! I thought I was just being whimpy. I can't tell you how many times I'd skinned my knees growing up. I made myself walk it off. I kind of which I'd kept the picture of the bruises to show you-they were very impressive.

Long story short. Two months later, they had to give me cortisone shots in each knee to help them heal, which ended up making them worse for the past few days.

So, between the nearly passing out, hardly being able to walk, and lots of pain, my legs and I don't get along very well. I can deal with pain, I do every single day. What I'm having trouble with is not being able to clean myself or my house or to do the other things I'd like to get done. I'm not a pig, I don't enjoy living like one.

My OCD and perfectionism gives me a very strict definition of how things "should" be. When they're not, like they haven't been for years now, I get very anxious and depressed. In fact, the night before last, I was driving my husband crazy because, while I wasn't able to get up and do a single thing, mentally, I was going a mile a minute. I was about ready to tear my hair out, and I kept snapping at everyone because I was so frustrated and depressed. That's actually when I started writing this blog. I needed something that I was driven to do, something that I felt made some progress in my mess of a life.

What do you struggle with? Am I the only one at war with her body?