my battle for better health,

My Battle For Better Health: California Bound or Broken?

8/08/2016 House of Geekiness 1 Comments

This have never been more true
My house is in shambles and I literally could barely walk when I woke up yesterday. Thank goodness for the Sabbath Day. I've never been so grateful for a day of rest or needed it more! Preparations for the move are stressful but there's progress. Not sure if it's enough progress, but I'm hoping it's enough to get us out of here on time. Between prepping for the moving sale and trying to sell/give away more than half of our possessions, packing, cleaning, kids having massive temper tantrums and/or throwing up, trying to sell my van within the next three days, and not seeing my husband or puppy for a month now, my mind and body are a wreck.

A month ago, even though our trip to California to visit family was not what we'd expected (we found out that my father-in-law has cancer and decided me needed to come live with him. Read about it here.), I came back from the trip exhausted but doing a LOT better mentally. I'm not sure if it was the change in elevation (studies have shown that a lower elevation and more oxygen to the brain can help with depression) or just the change and prospects of a new start, but I returned mentally recharged.

That didn't last as long as I hoped. The stress that I mentioned before, especially with my physical limitations and having to rely on the help of others, has been difficult.

I've had lots of support from family and friends and was able to hire some nice ladies to come help clean and pack, but there are still things that only I can do (like deciding what to take with us). One of the hardest parts has been that my youngest has not been dealing with any of this well. His therapist is having him tested for Autism (which seems obvious now when I look back on the signs). He is extremely obsessive and anxious, very rigid thinking, and change or any kind, whether it's a variance from the daily routine to chicken nuggets instead of chicken sandwiches for dinner sets off a massive fit. We're talking screaming, hitting, pouting, hiding, running away, and saying that he wished he was dead or better off dead. You can probably imagine what a change like moving out of state, when he has no memory of living anyplace else, is doing to him....

My youngest and his "mildly grumpy" look
While writing this just now, I asked him if he was ready for his appointment (testing this morning with the therapist) but his shoes are missing. I asked him brother to help him look (another pair or eyes, you know?) and my youngest got really upset. He started yelling, about how I didn't trust him and slapped my arm. After his time out, I explained that it's not a matter of trust but that sometimes we all miss things, even grown ups, and it never hurts to have help. He still didn't believe me. I found his shoes a few minutes later, exactly where both he and his brother had already looked.

My youngest, still not that thrilled. I think it was because they gave him the "wrong" Lego set for his birthday (which was still a Lego set he wanted, by the way, but not the one he expected to get)
I am so thankful for all the love and support I've had! A lot of people don't understand depression, and at times I don't quite get it myself.

I've pushed myself past limits lately and made things worse, but at times I've proven that I can do more than I believed I could. I'm hoping this move will be all we need it to be. We've already seen some huge improvements in Erik, who stayed behind to care for his father.

A special thank you to Jennifer M. Boyle, who keeps leaving me encouraging messages like this:

*Read next update here.

My goals

I want to have energy to spend time and actually do activities with my family.
I want to be able to be physically active. I’m not saying I plan on running marathons, but being able to exercise and do basic housecleaning on a daily basis would be nice.
I want my mind to feel less foggy all the time so I can do my job well and enjoy being in the profession I love.
I want to be healthy and be at a healthy weight.
I want my life back! I will look for the best in my life and realize what I truly have, always striving to make it better.
I will accept myself as I am.

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