depression,
I want my life back! I will look for the best in my life and realize what I truly have, always striving to make it better.
My Battle Update: False Start
There have been lots of good and bad things happening in the month or so since I updated you (read the first post in this series here). But mostly, life has just been crazy weird. I know what you're thinking, when is my life NOT crazy or weird...and you're right. It's always one, the other, or both. This is just crazier and weirder, I guess.
Let's start with the good news. With the new diet plan, I lost 15 pounds in three weeks. Hooray! Also, my anemia is officially gone (but my iron levels are still low so we've gotta keep doing IV iron).
And I'm sort of getting used to the new diet. I've noticed that my body is getting used to eating more veggies and less grains and that my stomach isn't nearly as upset about it as it was. In fact, my acid reflux has been a lot better. I've also found that I'm generally satisfied eating less food.
Phase 1 of the South Beach Diet has ended, and we're onto a modified version of Phase 2. That means, in addition to meat, dairy, nuts, and veggies, I get to eat some fruit and a little bit of whole grains! The doctor says I can eat up to 40-70 grams of carbohydrates a day and was super happy with how well I was doing on the diet.
That was about two weeks ago. Things have gone a bit haywire since.... You know when you're putting something together but get so excited that you're like "I've got this." and don't read the instructions? Well, I pretty much did that. I heard the words "fruits" and "carbs" and kinda went crazy. I didn't pay much any attention to the list of foods that are allowed/forbidden, and just started eating whatever I wanted, as long as it was meat, dairy, nuts, veggies, or fruit. Not only was I supposed to reintroduce new things slowly back into my diet, some of them I'm just not supposed to have yet.
The thing is, a week after I started phase 2, I had lost more weight. So, I went and took it as a green light. Up to 70 carbs a day? Hmm... I'll just eat half of an ice cream sandwich (I was proud I made it last lasted three days, forget the sugar content!) I actually had extra energy the next day. So, I must have been doing something right, so I thought.
Then, I figured it wouldn't hurt if I ate a bunch of theater popcorn, just one time. Popcorn is allowed, but only up to 70 grams (at the very most!) per day, and definitely not all at once. Then, last week, I had a stomach bug and couldn't eat much of anything. I don't know about you, but when I'm sick like that, all I can keep down is crackers. I compromised, and went with tortilla chips. Whole grain counts, right? Not when that's almost all you eat for a few days.
And then, there was PMS and this sucker. It was my kids' birthday party. I skipped the chips and soda, only ate half a hot dog bun (white bread, which is a no no). A bit of cake? I deserved it. I'd worked hard! That was Saturday afternoon. By the end of Sunday night, I'd finished off a thing of ice cream (1.75 quarts) and almost a whole bag of Fritos.
Quick explanation: The reason carbohydrates are generally not allowed are because they are converted into sugar, and right now, my body cannot process/use sugar very well. While we do need some sugar or we will die, any sugar your body doesn't use gets converted into fat. The diet we have set up is the best way for my body to get the amount of sugar it needs.
What's the result of all the extra sugar I put into my system? So far, the most noticeable things have been mood and cravings. I'm sure there will be more weight gain or just less loss (if I'm lucky) for a little while. I've also been extremely grumpy. I mean, the first few weeks of the diet had already made me a super grump while I adjusted to everything. (I just about bit off my husband's head every time he mentioned a food I wasn't allowed to eat.)
This is even worse. Friday night, after the tortilla chip diet, I had a major panic attack, stayed up most of the night, and cried myself to sleep. Yesterday, I mostly just slept and wanted everyone to leave me alone, but I was really restless. I wanted to do stuff (like crafts) but nothing sounded good. Today, I've been tired, hungry, and wanted to eat and/or buy everything in sight. It's the one time I've been glad to be broke. If I don't have money, I can't spend it.
What now? Believe it or not, the South Beach diet accounts for this happening, so did my doctor. She said there would probably come something that I just couldn't say no to, and if that happened, just move on and keep working. Don't feel like a horrible person (which, of course, I do). Part of the problem is that her saying that it would happen, gave me an excuse to let it happen. I'd been doing really well. It was more annoying than words, but I was hanging in there. Until I started making excuses and justifying my actions.
From here, no more excuses. I've read the instructions. I'll be rereading the instructions so I don't forget or get things mixed up. Now, I do phase 1 again for two weeks, then start phase 2 gradually as I was supposed to. I've lost 15 pounds and need to lose 175 more to get from my current weight of 345 to my target weight of 170. That's pretty much the weight of two people I'm carrying around (and I thought pregnancy was bad!) Time to get back in the ring and fight.
My goals
I want to have energy to spend time and actually do activities with my family.
I want to be able to be physically active. I’m not saying I plan on running marathons, but being able to exercise and do basic housecleaning on a daily basis would be nice.
I want my mind to feel less foggy all the time so I can do my job well and enjoy being in the profession I love.
I want to be healthy and be at a healthy weight.
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